Smell the flower and be Happy!

2008-05-18T02:22:00.004+08:00

this is my inspiration.

the 10th ANTM winner, Whitney. she's of size 10.
im of size 12 but 10 is wearable except that my bust is way too big, thank you very much.
see, we're the new SEXY!!!

there will be no dieting for me. just lots of pampering - not in terms of food ok. exercise is a must, too. for my health's sake. im definitely loving single life again.

but i miss the frequent all girls outings i had back then more. the gossips, the laughter, the craziness, the advices, the bitchings, etc. yes, i miss all those. i miss the decent enjoyments we had together coz clubbing is definitely not my thing - and they know it, of coz.
yes, i want those get togethers more. once a week. a whole day. all the girls. no boys. just US.
Liyah.
Bella.
Eqyn.
Susi.
Fyza.
Jinah.
Jen.
will there ever be US again?
but... everyone's growing up.
sigh.

no doubt, i still miss my great friends from other "divisions".
Micey - JYSS truant partner.
Emma - JYSB freak.
Fyza - the other malay girl in DMTM.
Yaya - cute, blur queen of MEED1A.
Heira - sweet, unexpected babe of W14P.
yes, i miss them all. oh gosh.
i'm so going to have a birthday party for 2 nights.
1 night... JUST GIRLS.
that's my wish.

how is it like being single AGAIN?
mixed feelings, really. it's just too much to be described in words.

turning 22 and single.
BAH!!!
well, it's about time i have a real makeover from my hair till my toenails isnt it. im getting a double 2. that's pretty scary. when am i going to settle down. maybe singing in the kitchen does make you have later marriage. OMG. hahaha!!

chalet stuffs have been bought. i cant wait.
another chalet in June. what to plan for my parents' anniversary eh. hmmm...
cheerios!

2008-05-08T23:31:00.001+08:00

it's time for change.

2008-05-07T18:07:00.003+08:00

its seems like we're better off as text-ing buddies.
was reading the posts from where it started till now. one reminded me of what Heira had seen in me "i look so in love". and reading all the posts, guess i am. and when i thought things are going to be the same again the last time, it barely lasts 2 weeks. the Sentosa trip is one thing i want to remember my whole life. when he showed the sweeter side of him. yes, i miss having him - knowing that we're one. i miss the rare outings we had as a couple.
but things are alright now. we're still in touch. but i still feel empty.

i envy big people who can carry themselves well.
coz i cant seem to flaunt my figures the way they do.

bye!

2008-05-06T12:01:00.002+08:00

it's useless. i need to start jogging. but thanks to my foot. argh!!! and seriously, it's not an excuse. i can barely walk normally and worst, i'd lose my balance at times. how to jog?!?! so sad you know. now im forcing myself to walk properly. since it doesnt hurt as much now. and seriously, that doctor need to buck up her sewing skills. only 6 stitches for more den 5cm cut?!?! and the stitches are all over my foot la, thank you. grrrr...
should i work tomorrow or go out with this guy i think i'll work. :)
goodbye!

2008-05-04T22:20:00.002+08:00

seriously, i need to stop going online. coz it's making me really lethargic. i supposed i gained all the weight that i'd lost because of the stupid foot. i am really unhappy.
i've been eating as a substitude to loneliness. food is my bestfriend. and this great friendship will have to end. i'm sorry, i'll have to leave you.
it's holiday and somehow, im not enjoying it. thanks to the accident.
frankly, he's a jerk. he didnt bother to join me to the hospital. neither did he visit me after the accident. and after we met, he didnt even sent me home. on top of that, he didnt even thought of compensating the medical fees. urgh. still have the cheek to say that he wanted to be with me. on top of that, Khai kept teasing me abut getting on with him. like... NO!
im going back to work tomorrow by hook or by crook. im dying of boredom and getting sick of eating. im having a headache now coz i've been thinking of so many things at the same time. and believe me, i've no idea what they really are.
im super full.
bye.

2008-05-04T13:02:00.002+08:00

too many people calling me up now. it's getting really annoying. one even thought that he can get laid with me. has the cheek to say that he dont like plump people. he's a big time loser i tell you. said that if someone plump to be at the back of his bike, his tyres will burst. and i told him "have you experienced that before?". he said no.
-_-"
no logic. unless your tyres are made of balloons, idiot.
i'd talked with this guy most of the time yesterday. interesting and smart (accountancy in SP k). planned to meet him this coming wednesday. but i think im going to have to call it off. hoho!! coz he's skinny. and im a mama bear. hahahaha!!!
shit.
i know 2 chefs now. like... WOW.
lots of NS dudes... dots.
losers. urgh.

so far, my foot's doing good. i'd cleaned it yesterday. now it looks better.
i want to go to the zoo.
random.

bye!

2008-05-04T02:28:00.000+08:00

im gonna be on a bar diet.
period.

2008-05-02T03:20:00.003+08:00

Mayday was a great start of the month. not only could i finally walk without worrying about the pain, i had fun. had a whole day with my baby, D70s, and a superb company. chalet for PAF is confirmed and more people are coming. how great is that. so far, so good.

im happy.

and guess wad? im fat.
hahahahaha!!
BONUS!

yes. that mine.

bye!

2008-04-29T03:12:00.002+08:00

there were times when i wish

1. it was your ego saying there isnt anything anymore.

2. you would talk to me from A to Z.

3. i never did what i did.

but i know

i've lost.

2008-04-29T00:33:00.000+08:00

say hello to my right foot.
:)

2008-04-27T14:07:00.002+08:00

moving on. he's still a sweetie. i pray he'll have someone with much greatness once he's ready. gorgeous smile, irritating but irresistable personality. i believe we're still going to have fun whenever we meet.
*smiles*

when i thought that i can walk again, the thought of the stitches giving way scares me. and i end up hopping around the house. the painkillers obviously doesnt help. great.
Man hurt his hip area. and its affecting his digestive area.
he called me when i went for check up at TTSH yesterday. i was able to walk yesterday, and not today - like WTF. told him im going out after the check up and he told me not to go and rest at home. right. being the stubborn me, i still went out. hehe!
he hasnt called me today. guess he's working. and guess i kinda miss him.
hoho!

Rudy is really sweet - other than being really clumsy and almost hit my injured foot now and then. he followed me to Vivocity. i was afraid i couldnt make it there myself. he helped me when Khai isnt there. and if Khai's around, i would hold on to him. hehe! it was a great day yesterday. i went out the whole day. with my injured foot. right. and today, i cant walk. ARGH!

I MISS MY GIRLFRIENDS.
i need retail therapy. fast.
bye!

2008-04-25T10:36:00.002+08:00

it happened so fast. he was making a turn and CRASH! we fell of the bike. i immediately sat down after the fall to see my injuries. the grossest i had ever seen on me. i can see my flesh and blood was flowing like no one's business. i didnt cry. i didnt move. i stared at my foot, not even feeling any pain. i was sitting on the road for more than 10 minutes - trying to think what to do next. i was shivering. my friend panicked but was calm enough to get my foot covered - with my work uniform. hahaha!! but he continued to walk back and forth after that. i dont know why i wanted to cry when i had to stand up and simply laughed it off. pretty stupid to cry. i know that both of us cant panick at the same time. i started laughing and making a joke of it. he wanted to carry me but i refuse. when i tried limping with the horribly bandaged foot and it seemed to be taking ages for me, he carried me to the side of the road - yes!! like OMG!! then we make our way to my house. he was shocked, that's for sure. he faced my parents coz i told him to. hahaha! but i did most of the explanations and he did the apologies. i actually sympathised him more than myself. he has no visible wounds but i think he hurt his right hip. im worried for him, obviously. Daddy re-bandaged my foot. the blood was still flowing la! aiyoh!! i teased Mummy with my wounds. then, Daddy accompanied me to TTSH. i've got more than i could ever asked for. a HOT medical student was put to follow me. Shawn Ng. hahaha! i didnt drool but i was glad that he's there to give me moral support. he gave me his hands for me to squeeze. he talked to me. we joked. hahaha!! i find my mini operation more like a getting-to-know session with him. i still laughed and all. hahahaha!! yupz! my very 1st accident. my foot is bandaged and the pain is killing me. i cant walk. i had to hop with my left leg. argh!! 6 ugly stitches.

Jeff was shocked when i told him i got into an accident.
Khai... well... i didnt sense a tiny bit of worry in him. so i didnt bother to give him any details.
yes, im ego. do i look like i care?

no work for next few days for me, again.
urgh!

bye!

2008-04-21T23:58:00.002+08:00

it's amazing how simple some things can make you smile on your most grumpiest days. especially how magical a child can make you see the life you've been missing.
he made me smile so much and i thought my first day back to work would have been draggy. i started singing. a child i've never met had brightened up my life. i wish he could stay longer.

i might re-consider the KL trip.
i need a break.

back at work is such a relieve.
bye!

2008-04-19T08:40:00.002+08:00

it's been a hectic week with assesments, classes and rehearsals going on. Thank god most of the classes are cancelled this week. it's Saturday, 19th April. it's Beowulf Jam! the dress rehearsal went really well yesterday. the directors are happy. i've not been updating due to this. happen to wake up surprisingly early without the alarm. i think my body has already gotten use to waking up in the morning.
oh yes. a bad flu virus is going around my actors. almost my whole class is sick. even my ASM. i hope having them come later would give them enough time to rest coz that's the best i can do.

BEOWULF JAM!
by Performing Arts Foundation
8pm
Lasalle College of the Arts
Flexible Space

catch it, coz we rock!
wait. you cant coz it's almost fully booked. hoho!
bye!

2008-04-11T11:22:00.002+08:00

Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Ouch I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,
Yeah I think that I might break
Lost myself again and I feel unsafe

this is the song. enjoy. coz i simply love it.
i miss apek.

24Hours show yesterday was great. and i hope today's would be better. i cant wait for tomorrow. coz i can finally forget of everything. just for a day. before Beowulf starts.

bye!

2008-04-09T23:39:00.002+08:00

i am currently addicted to this particular song. it's so going to be my lullaby. love it.

anyways, im getting my new spectacles on monday. i'd dyed my fringe (supposedly blonde) brown. im going to try to make it blonde next week. i think.

tomorrow's my very 1st acting performance. thank god i only had to just mime the words. but i love my piece. its so full of action!! and im sure the whole thing is going to be interesting to watch.
24 HOURS,
Lasalle College of the Arts
Flexible Space
10th & 11th April, 730pm, Free

next week is the Foundation's production.
BEOWULF JAM
Lasalle College of the Arts
Flexible Space
19th & 20th April, 730pm (TBC), Free

im glad that my workplce understands my position. rehearsal ends at 9pm today. and we have school at 830 tomorrow. and it's definitely going to be a full day for my class. im really looking forward for saturday. the only rest day so far.
and holidays... once Beowulf Jam ends, im FREE!!! wooo!! back to lots of work and exercise. 3 whole months of them. cant wait.
im ballooning.

bye!

2008-04-04T11:30:00.002+08:00

i've never been so tired in my life. school has taken a whole lot of my time and energy. yesterday itself, i walked back and forth from my school to arab st 3 times. yes, just to get the cloths needed for Beowulf. yeah, yeah. cloths. you wouldnt think it takes much effort. bloody hell... its freaking heavy la! yes, i have my assistant but she just got better from her sickness so i didnt want to bother her. i felt like im getting sick but im pushing myself like never before. so many things to be done. and guess what... my mind is super active la. i can practically remember my schedules for every single day. they're all in my mind. crazy eh. after one and a half years of slacking in RP, Lasalle has made me active again. no doubt, my food intake increases too. sigh.

both of us are busy. i have my rehearsals and school assessments/assignments to worry about and he has "his" mas slamat to work on now. just a few messeges each day to get by. i really had not expected this to happen but i thank Allah for replying my prayers. plus, he's much sweeter now. to meet up is really rare but they're just as special.

Beowulf is going really well. things are polishing up, though its not really in control. i believe my friends know what they need to do. that's all i would care now.
and of coz, my job as the SM. wahlao!! can die ar.

at times, i feel like i could fall asleep while walking.
bye!

2008-04-01T11:19:00.002+08:00

i had the crappiest conversation with Jeff last night. i said the lamest things, made the lamest jokes. but well, i still managed to irritate him. huahuahua!! he knows why i was crapping. coz im sleepy. so... when i'd cooled down, i was REALLY sleepy. but before that, i went on and on for more than an hour. i predicted his expression when i said "DURH" alot of times. he hates that. and he was surprised when i told him, "im sure your mouth would be wide open, your eyes wide open and you're staring blankly in front of you". hahahahaha!!! he's really fun to talk to. one of the lamest thing i told him was the conversation i had with my schoolmates earlier on - "po-tay-to, po-tah-to. to-may-to, to-mah-to. then its es-pler-nayde, es-pler-nard and es-pler-nar-dey". i was laughing and he was silent at the other line. sooooo embarassing. hahahahaha!!

im glad that im doing a better job. Beowulf Jam!!!

one more week to pay day and it's the 1st time after months that i dont have any debts to pay (except for my bills). its time for... SHOPPING!!! Jeff wanted to go to IKEA. yes, yes!! i'll go with you!! i loooooove IKEA. its fun just being there.

anyway, the other day i went with Heira. it was crazy. i got 10 cushions. and we were choosing the colours. we went to take the trolley and i suddenly decided to have a "ball game". Heira was choosing the cushions and i held on to the trolley and asked her to shoot into the trolley. yes, we had lots of fun. but its tiring coz the place is HUGE. and i'd got almost all the things i need to remake my room. now it's just the drillings. wait for Daddy. :D

still so many things to be done. lots of assessments coming up. urgh. got to get ready for Choir and music rehearsal now.

bye!

*i miss apek

2008-03-28T00:08:00.002+08:00

something REALLY unexpected happened and only a handful knows about this.

should i voice out or just let it be discreet?

any of the way, i am happy.

school has been crazy. i know i've been absenting a whole lot and i am absolutely scared shit of repeating. i hope i could at least have borderline passes for the ones i am greatly sick with. well, fat hope isnt it. argh!! *cross fingers*

performances are coming in less than a month. havent been getting a good sleep since god-knows-when. rehearsals are going great. im really happy.

work keeps on piling. prop preparations for Beowulf has to be brought home to be done. yes, i have lots of work to do. seems like i've no life. argh!!! and oh shit! i need to start practising my pieces!!! i absolutely sucked at it.

Beowulf Jam will be on 19th and 20th of April. its saturday and sunday. great. there goes my weekend. nevertheless, feel free to come.

i know i've not been updating. been superbly busy. after a really long time, my brain is working its magic of handling numerous things at a time. hahahaha!!

i cant wait for my IKEA outing with Heira this saturday. we're no doubt excited about it. never been there before ok!! YAY!!

its confirmed that i wont be going to KL with Faizal anymore.

its back to work, work, work during the holidays for me.

i've been talking lesser with Jeff now. you're an owl you know that. calling me at 5 in the morning. CRAZY!!! i miss talking nonsense with you though. brainless stuffs. haha!

3 weeks. and i wish to spent time with you again.

i've so many things to tell you. but you seem to have more to tell.

welcome back, MR. ADORABLE.

bye!!

2008-03-22T00:34:00.002+08:00

i am not getting smaller, Uka.

great, my forearm itches now.

work was great just now. after 4 days of absence from work coz of school i pretty much miss the people there. it was fun. my trainer sang and we took pictures. i love him.

i've so many things to do and kinda wish i dont have a date later today. and if i do, i hope it'll end early. lots of homework. i have 2 essays to be done. one is still Macbeth. the other is another text that i've not read. which is over 100 pages. and to make matters worst, the text is online. great.

im still contemplating if i should be going for the M'sia trip with Faizal aka Mr. Policeman. sigh.

Daddy's going to enrol my brother and myself for our car license. and im going to enrol myself back with the bike license. mido... take action!!!

my body jiggles like no one's business.

tone it up, mido!!!

bye!

2008-03-20T11:18:00.002+08:00

it's over coz you're not what i thought you would be.

im happier coz you're just like the others.

im in deep shit.

bye!

2008-03-18T20:12:00.002+08:00

hello.

bye.

2008-03-13T23:24:00.003+08:00

been really busy lately with so many things more to be done. working doesnt help, obviously. been missing lots of classes but schoolwork still piles up. more and more rehearsals are scheduled. a month more before everything ends. i dont have time for myself anymore. guess i need that 4 days break with Faizal in May. and i got to work doubly more for the things i wanted before the new school year starts.

somebody kill me. i dont have a life.

2008-03-06T20:48:00.002+08:00

i want to get my prompt book done.

and i want so much more.

getting my trumpet soon!! YAAAHOOOOOOOO!!!

bye!

2008-03-04T14:12:00.005+08:00

maybe it takes time for me coz you had brought me so much happiness in my life. im truly sorry for what i'd done. i dont want to let you go. i wish you would give me a chance. coz i promise i'll be good.

~~*cries*~~

Faizal's bringing me overseas in May. i dont know where but it'll sure be somewhere i've never been before. its unbelievable coz he's paying for everything except for my shopping expenses (coz i said i would pay myself for that but i think i want him to pay now. wahahahaha!! *evil*). we havent even met and he's planning this trip. pretty scary too eh. and bonus... i have not seen his pictures and he read my blog and he saw my pictureSsss!!! NOT FAIR!!

just a friend k people.

still have not one my Macbeth. haha!! shit. the Beowulf songs are going really well. i love Zaidi's compositions. super nice. do come for our play "BEOWULF JAM(or ROCK)" in mid April. and im playing for 2 of the songs!!! my family's definitely going. Emma and Jinah, too. im so happy!!

~~i pray for another chance with you, apek.~~

bye!

2008-03-01T01:51:00.002+08:00

Macbeth, Macbeth. why thou made thy life completely miserable.

im going to the library tomorrow to finish up my analysis. im going crazy trying refer to the internet, then to my text, then to my fullscap to do my essay. urgh.

Daddy's giving my money to get my other 4 Hayden's books!!! i am so psyched!! and im getting another book from my department. some exercise thingy. other than that, my collegue, Shasha, is lending me one of her Jodi Picoult's book. YAY-ness!! i just bought a teenVogue magazine and another Shape magazine. Scootering magazines are getting too mod-ish for my liking.

outing with Emma was stupendous. we ate tons of snacks!! and she sleptover my place! caught up with things. enjoyed the breeze. laughing, sight-seeing, eating. love it. love ya, sis!!!

i've got to deny. GOT TO.

bye!!

2008-02-28T01:20:00.002+08:00

weird things i do:
1. feel the heat from the cars by walking in front of them in the MSC beside my house and tell myself if it's just parked or not.
2. love to pluck my bulus.
3. buy lotions, facial stuffs and only use them, at most, a month before leaving them covered with dust before realising i have them and still dont use it anymore.
4. keep those unused used stuffs just in case.
5. my room can only be neat for, at most, 3 days.
6. always imagine of the attention i'll get if i lose those extra extra kilos.
7. strict without realising it. (my juniors told me when i'd graduated. everyone agreed. YIKES!)
8. to think of what weird things i'd do.

i know. that is soooooooo RANDOM.

a week of break is not a break at all. im only going to chill later - picnic with Emma - after my rehearsal at 10am. my dark rings are getting worst and i feel bigger but my weight stayed the same. weird, unbelievable and i dont wish to believe. hahaha!!

Jinah text me just now. i cant wait for MSV's reunion. and both Emma and herself are sure to go for my Beowulf production. how cool is that?!?! hehe!!

im still contemplating between sound design and lighting design as a specialisation. can i do both, please...

k bye!

2008-02-25T01:46:00.001+08:00

You took my handYou showed me howYou promised me you'd be aroundUh huhThat's rightI took your wordsAnd I believedIn everythingYou said to meYeah huhThat's rightIf someone said three years from nowYou'd be long goneI'd stand up and punch them outCause they're all wrongI know bettercause you said foreverand everwho knewRemember when we were such foolsAnd so convinced and just too coolOh noNo noI wish I could touch you againI wish I could still call you a friendI'd give anythingWhen someone said count your blessings nowFor they're long goneI guess I just didn't know howI was all wrongThey knew betterStill you said foreverAnd everWho knewYeah yeahI'll keep you locked in my headUntil we meet againUntil weUntil we meet againAnd I won't forget you my friendWhat happenedIf someone said three years from nowYou'd be long goneI'd stand up and punch them outCause they're all wrongThat last kissI'll cherishUntil we meet againAnd time makesIt harderI wish I could rememberBut I keepYour memoryYou visit me in my sleepMy darlingWho knewMy darlingMy darlingWho knewMy darlingI miss youMy darlingWho knewWho knew

i still do.

2008-02-24T12:05:00.002+08:00

23rd February is a saturday i wish i could have every other saturdays.

Heira is love.

im tired of being big. i'd felt the intimidations of big people mixing with the smaller ones. people would say "be happy for what you are". well, for the years that im big, my mind is never at peace with the size of myself. how am i supposed to be happy? at times, i am. but for most of it, im not. im taking this matter into my own hands now.

im going to feel how it's like being small.

never ever trust the words of a guy, coz they'll go back on
them one day.
never ever hope on guys, coz they'll leave you someday.
never ever give your all, coz you'll lose yourself when
it ends.
till they're willing to die for you, they're never a
man.

friends is good coz i'll never make a good girlfriend.

monday is specialization talk and work.

tuesday is 24hours rehearsal and work.

wednesday is Beowulf rehearsal and photography session.

thursday is picnic with Emma.

friday is work.

so much for a week of break eh. thank god there's Emma to the rescue. wahahahahaha!

you dont know this.

but i lie to myself to be strong.

bye!

2008-02-23T04:08:00.002+08:00

MACBETH!!!

im reading it though i cant really understand the old English. hahaha!! shit. i so have to research during the one week "holidays". other then that, i have to buck up with my Voice class. and everything else la. sheesh. the assessments for Voice was so impromptu for me. thanks to the Improvisation class i guess. hahaha!!

im tired. i'd just copied the lyrics for my jamming later. yes, later. im so going to mess up the jamming later.

i'd uploaded Deviation of Ska's only videos to Youtube. they're just the acoustic sessions but at least there's proof that we were alive before.

i sucked in trumpet now. and im so going to be in deep shit for Beowulf. urgh.

going out with Heira later. she's going to join me for jamming, too!! YAY-ness!! hahaha!! i miss her so much!!

might drop by to Uka's booth at Lime's Flee Market, too.

meeting Khai after the jamming to hang out.

i cant wait for thursday. picnic with Emma. (Em!! i got $60 NTUC voucher!! so we go shopping before the picnic k!! hehehe!! YAY!!)

yes, my life is getting better. though i somehow feel that my classmates are giving me the cold shoulder. that's shitty. oh well...

got to sleep!!!

bye!

2008-02-21T04:58:00.003+08:00

it's been 4 days. my brother has been using the computer for 2 consecutive days from dawn till dusk. ok fine, that's exaggerating. but he used it from the moment i woke up, off to school, back from school and waited till 3am and still wasnt done. till now.

anyways, Beowulf production is making me mad. lots of emails, preparations, pre-production, reminders, schedules, thank yous, congratulations, conflicts, unhappiness, excitement, etc.

im proud to say that the percussionists had finally gotten their samba drums to play along for the rehearsals coz of ME. suddenly a few people came to me and told me about the difficulties of getting those drums from Matt. blah blah blah (tell me something new). guess what??? i was able to get it with one "inappropriate" email to Matt. didnt bother of the scolding plus all the stupid miscommunications i'd gotten coz i got the job done. and guess what, the one who gets to hold the keys is NOT me. funny eh.

im happy coz i have crews now. AWESOME.

and i ditched Gamelan after that.

now, im off to send mass emails to 50 over people.

urgh.

i'd made myself an organisor coz i realised how much time i wasted thinking what needed to be done every single time im free. that's not good coz i have very limited free time. and i need them for practice, homeworks, paperworks, rehearsal, family, friends. this is ke-ray-zeee.

i am simply looking forward for the picnic with Emma.

:)))

2008-02-17T03:29:00.003+08:00

i miss the way he plays with my arm. and the way he smiles when he did something wrong. and he said he loves to kiss me whenever he smells my cheeks. he's one of the best things that had ever happened to me. period. good things just had to end. urgh.

not in the morning shift later. had to cover those who took leave at the last minute and do afternoon shift. oh well, my trainer's with me and he said he's treating me dinner. a good deal. haha!

i want to go out with Emma...

and Yaya...

and Micey...

and Heira...

i need some girls therapy.

my mum's been really noisy in the early morning. she didnt go to sleep!! kept going in and out of her room and nag each time she went out. and i told her to just go and sleep and stop nagging. well, she got upset. grrrr...

did some shopping with the little money i'd left. got a Dorothy Perkins purse at $17!!! that made my day. :)))

lets go picnic k Emma.

miss you.

bye for now.

2008-02-16T04:10:00.002+08:00

i need motivation.

i need inspiration.

and i need to sleep.

photography session later?

i guess. but where? urgh.

bye!

2008-02-14T04:24:00.003+08:00

aint sad but glad i had you.

just got the inspiration from someone's nick on msn. i thought alot about it. and im proud that im so much in control of my emotions. guess my heart will turn into stone in a while. neither can i trust, nor do i believe anymore. and no one can make me.

more work to be done for the production. the last rehearsal went great. with the music, sound effects. i love Michael and i hate Matt. school's at 830am later and im still up. guess i wont be sleeping.

im chatting with this guy named Jeff on MSN. we've been chatting on and off for years. pretty stupid but he's keeping me company. hahahaha!! and we're exchanging Youtube videos to watch. crazy...

im starting to feel sleepy. but i must not sleep.

shit.

i love my Tuesday up-do. super cool. and many people said so. will upload the pictures.

i so love my hair.

bye!

2008-02-12T01:25:00.000+08:00

i had the strangest dream last night and now im afraid to sleep. NOT. havent been online for sometime so im just losing my sleep for this. HAK!! and my laptop died on me after Liyah installed Norton Anti-Virus. shit happens. urgh.

back on track for school. term break in 2 weeks time but will be having workshops and talks. production is moving on. music practice later. i have to be in school at 930am for some technical guidance from Harris later. guess im not going to sleep coz i feel like reading One Child after this. History class was spent watching a documentary on American Broadway, history of coz. SUPER COOL SHIT!! Acting was getting dumb now.

choice. something i'd misused recently. for the thrill, experience, excitement. you name it. definitely not for a good cause.

trust. of all things, i thought i'd be trustworthy to my loved one. guess i was god-damn wrong. and i know it.

love. is it wise to believe in it still?

back to One Child.

bye!

2008-02-08T18:26:00.000+08:00

one after another. whatever that had been said to me is like a repetition - which is a surprise.
ok. whatever.
life has to go on.
as long as you're happy.

i am sooooo sleepy.
thank you Liyah, Eqyn, Bella, Feez and Micey for being there for me.
bye!

2008-02-05T00:51:00.000+08:00

i'd finally received 2/3 of my christmas present from my trainer and i'd started reading one of it. i dont think i'll be getting myself a Hayden's book anytime this month (unless i can convince my dad to get them for me. hehe!!). so altogether, im getting 9 new books. like WOW. one author after another. im going to continue reading The Lost Boy after updating. i think i'll finish it tonight. wahahaha!!

i want to go to Sentosa to wind down. well, actually to just enjoy the outdoors and read my books. ok people. i've changed so much. it's scaring me, too. but it's for the better of me. yes, either the SM and Lightings or Pelzer's books. or both. and i want perot to accompany me. hehe!

i'd downloaded a software on lighting design. like... how enthusiastic can i be, man. yet to learn the manuals so once i have time, i'll try it out. my laptop stops dying on me now coz the virus is slowly disappearing (i hope).

my director for 24hours have yet to contact me about tomorrow though i had text him about my class cancellation and being free earlier. so i have no idea whether i need to come down for rehearsals or not. grrrr...

i miss perot.

im having study times with Micey. just like old days. wahahahaha!! the only difference is that we cant help each other coz we're doing totally different things. but company is what we need. i still miss the airport ambiance where we would lie on the floor doing our DNT folios or doing maths sums. memories...

i love the new template.
i bought 3 bottles of green tea. (random)

bye!

2008-02-04T01:06:00.000+08:00

SM is God.
i love that phrase. so what if it is one of the most difficult and time consuming job in the world.
production so far is going well. taking charge of everything now. like this saying i got from an SM handbook "totally responsible for totally everything". sounds scary but i love it. it's brain cracking since im learning everything from scratch. borrowing books from the library - like since when did Mido borrow books to study?! hahaha!! gosh. life in Lasalle really changed me. maybe its the influence and the inspiration one get in an art school. i love the challenge.
my production file got bigger and bigger. hahaha!!

im going to act for the Level 1 Technical Theater production called 24hours. i am a wannabe rock star. hahahaha!! thank god there isnt any script for me to memorise. and it's like 2 weeks from now. lalala... and i had watch Jack Black's way of performing.

im super broke this month.
just for the trumpet. just for the trumpet.

bye!

2008-01-31T17:59:00.000+08:00

in class now. the last class of the day. and im really tired. it's melissa's birthday and the class is waiting for her sister to come down with a cake. wow. i never had a good birthday party since i was in primary 6. gosh. and im 22 this year. sigh.

movement class was fun today. i had contact improv wit aaron!! weeee!!! super nice!

had shower along with gill after movement.

zakir is back in touch with me coz khai dared me to. grrrr. he's so annoying - i meant zakir. always asking if im attached, that he's always and still waits for me, blah blah blah. my prepaid is low and i have to entertain him now. he keeps messaging and calling. urgh. really irritating.

im eating zarrah's brownie now. YUMMY!!

i miss khai alot. dunno if we're meeting this week. haha! next week is a 3 days off for me!! no school! no work!! im FREEEEEE!

k bye!

2008-01-30T01:06:00.000+08:00

i just remembered seeing so many KIDS shuffling at Marina Square. like what the HELL... get a club. no wait, GET A LIFE! you're a waste of space at that area. fucking wankers. urgh.

jogged again today and my thighs are beginning to feel sore. shit. tomorrow is a long day for me.

10am-2pm Group Performance

2pm-4pm Acting (make up class)

4pm-?? 24hours rehearsal

5pm-630pm Gamelan

and i'll be going for a show with Gillian and friends after that. FUH-YOH! and from now on, i have to be present for the Group Performance class to make the plan thingy for the production. i am going to borrow the books that Harris had recommended for Technical Theater and photocopy them. ok shit. so many things to be done still. Gill and me havent even done the analysis for the 7th Act of "a Streetcar named Desire" for Dramatic Literature. wahahahahaha!! and guess what? i got to know thata there will still be Dramatic Literature module in Level 1 Technical Theater. SHIT!

had a talk with my trainer about my attendance at work. haha! i understand that the company is super strict. so i understand how he and my manager felt. so it's my fauly that i didnt take my responsibilities seriously. lesson learnt. and he saw my dark rings going bad. fuck no!

my mind is super duper cramp.

bye!

2008-01-29T09:39:00.000+08:00

last Saturday, i'd talked to Allah. i love Him.

i never knew how much i love you till you left me. there's alot more for us to learn about ourselves and each other. you've lightened up my life like no one ever did. because of you, i've realised and love my family alot more. your absence is a fruitful for me. your words kept me strong juggling both school and work. you made me love my life. that's why i love you so much.

it's time for me to move up.

2008-01-27T13:29:00.000+08:00

turning 22 and still psychologically and emotionally unstable.

sometimes that scares me, at times they made me stronger.

and today is one of the days.

when no one understands, you have nobody but yourself.

and the worst thing is to know that being nice never do any good.

your head spins like a tornado from the pasts.

fear for the present, the future.

but sometimes, you just had to take your fates.

and simply, move forward.

you cant, neither can i.

2008-01-24T14:13:00.000+08:00

school has been busy.

production has been pretty stressful but fruitful. i'll be playing the trumpet for the first act. and i asked my mama to come. she said ok. weeee!!

lovely...

i love the 3 days break from work.

goodbye!

2008-01-23T18:33:00.000+08:00

it's too late.
haha!
bye!

2008-01-21T23:49:00.000+08:00

loving my busy life.

today is the day i didnt show any courtesy to others.
today is the day i put my ego aside.
today is the day i realise how much he meant to me.

p.s, i love you.

2008-01-20T04:06:00.000+08:00

i have to stop volunteering for things i dont mean to do.
urgh.

but i want to have internship.
and i need scholarship/bursary.
im really looking forward with the technical stuffs.
the technical module this semester is cool.
there's a whole lot of bitching going on.

he's sending me to work later.
*cross fingers*

im planning to go for 2 performances for the mosaic festival.
oh! im a Mosaic Friend. got the card! YAY!
i need money. lots of it.

bye!

2008-01-20T00:25:00.001+08:00

SINGAPORE'S BLUNDERS

honestly, Singapore's English language is as bad as Japanese and Chinese people. so much for having one of the best education in the world. even the editors are ignorant. -_-"

2008-01-19T00:13:00.000+08:00

wont be meeting apek this week. oh well, i cant simply make him meet me every single week right? so yeah, wont be meeting him the upcoming week either coz i have both work and volunteering to do (like i dont have them today. my supervisor will be alone this morning, so i volunteered to work). i miss him.

i miss emma, too.
and micey.
and yaya.
:(

ok. i need to sleep.
long day tomorrow.

bye!

2008-01-17T12:16:00.000+08:00

im in class now. Dramatic Literature - Streetcar Named Desire, by Tennessee Williams. i read it during the first week of holidays. really nice. watched the video yesterday before bed. doubly interesting. now, we're discussing the play and im online. haha!!

im missing Anwar so much.

Uka called me the other night. all of the sudden. guess after he read my blog. he might be going in Lasalle in the coming intake. so yeah.

im eating more and more now. and i told Anwar. and im not doing anything about it.
going to cut my hair coz it's really irritating.

bye!

2008-01-15T11:09:00.000+08:00

its been a while since i talked about school. being in Lasalle is so much more fruitful than RP. i get more exposure and opportunities to learn so many new things. currently, the production crew will be looking for someone who can teach us lightings. we might get the Level 1 students to teach us. Gill had told me that i could get SRT to recruit me if im interested to expose myself in the art scene. one problem - financial stability. if im interested, i have to drop Kinokuniya. so i cant. classes has been great. im more keen in everything now. hopefully my results would be alright.

I NEED BURSARY!! I NEED SCHOLARSHIPS!!!
my school fees has yet to settle and today is the final day for CPF payment. tell me im so fucked up.

emma ever asked me if i still think of Uka. yeah, i do. 2 years of knowing someone so well. spending so much time with him. the ups and downs. i cant forget that instantly and i'll never will. the goods and the bads will remain in my mind coz they're a learning lesson for me. now things are going well for both of us. at the very least, we're not enemies.

Khairul aka apek. he's my new found love. he's the bad boy who fell in love with a, ehem, good girl. hahahaha!! he's a great company and full of craps. simply loves to annoy me and laughs when i got upset. yes, he laughs. that's the main reason why i cant be angry with him for long. i'll end up laughing and smiling after ignoring him for a while. oh, he has a cute laughter. the more reason why i'd smile. on our last meeting i asked him why he's eating so much now. he said he's happy. and i asked him if he's happy coz of me. he just laughed and continue eating. when we were in Seoul Garden, he ate a whole lot ok. but he's simply adorable. i love hugging him coz he's just like a huge teddy bear for me. he loves my flabby arms. muahahahaha!! and yes, he's 23 months my junior.
august, september and october are the most important months in our calender. coz we'll go bankrupt celebrating. hahahahaha!!
HAPPY 5 MONTHS TO US!
bye

2008-01-14T01:36:00.000+08:00

when i can finally sleep, i had to wake up early. urgh. why... oh, why???

anyways, a box set of the Dark Materials fell onto my face this morning at work. what a luck. some bleeding and swelling. smack on my face, thank god it doesnt fell on my eye area. that, i have to panic.

saturday was well spent with apek dear. i worked for 4 hours in the morning and met him to make his glasses after that. then we ate Seoul Garden. not bad but i would still prefer Downtown East Sakura's Buffet dinner. and that's our next stop on february. after the heavy late lunch, we went to bugis, supposedly for him to get some tshirts. but no, end up not getting anything. it was only around 8 when we decided to take the cab home. hahahaha!! and we did. i was dead tired, that's why. then we hung out at this carpark near my place and took lots and lots of crazy pictures. that is soooo going to be our hang out place whenever we have no where to go.
overall, it was a great day.
im his "dear". (((:

abs in the making. :P

us. <3

i miss Emma already. i need to start reading my school stuffs. lets go NLB.
love you!

bye

2008-01-11T23:13:00.000+08:00

im telling myself this
"I NEED A BREAK"

right mido. it's just the first week of school. my tummy has miraculously flattened a little bit this week. and i feel so overworked.

sometimes i wonder if i can balance everything. last semester wasnt so tiring coz i got lazy whenever i had the aches. but this semester, i cant. i MUST buck up. so no matter how tired i am, i have to go to school. texts and papers to read. im going to endure all these till my body gives up.

i was really touched coz my trainer backed me up when my other supervisor said that i can work the 9 hours shift tomorrow instead of the 4 hours. he said that i needed my rest and leisure time. guess he's the ONLY ONE who sees how i am and cares a lot about me.
i was practically dragging my feet at work. my eyes were half close. even a smile took so much effort. yeah yeah. i keep on saying how worn out i am. I AM.

isnt it a wonder why i even have someone special now.
dont feel anything no more. the only feeling i have now is exhaustion.
dont expect any initiations from me now. i've no energy for that.
im tired and cranky. dont get in my way.

i love my trainer.

bye.

2008-01-10T23:12:00.000+08:00

I AM TIRED
fullstop

it's just the first week of school and im drained. and i have proof. so let me tell you about it.
i was supposed to meet emma at raffles city train station so that we can take the red line together to dhoby ghaut. but when i reached bugis train station, she was still at jurong east. sooo... i told her i'll just meet her at harbourfront. and guess what... i changed to the red line but... i DIDNT alight at dhoby ghaut. i was happily enjoying my mp3 and looking out the window. till emma called and asked me where i was. i looked out the window and with no awareness i told her "toa payoh". and she asked again. that was the time i realised i was supposed to drop at dhoby ghaut. i ended up alighting at bishan and took the other train back to dhoby ghaut. seriously... that was the dumbest thing i had ever done in my life. period.

outing with emma was so refreshing. love.
we love books. :D

im aching all over now. thanks to movement class. i love it. really. i am so losing weight and building muscles coz of it. challenging, i like.

before that, i went to pay for my trumpet and view it for the first time, even played it. i'd decided to starve myself for 2 months rather than struggling for 3. im getting it next month people!! woooooo!!

pretty things may look pretty but they're definitely aint pretty.

yoga tomorrow. going to golden mile to survey for jumpsuits and army tops for the production after that. off to work for the late afternoon shift after that. another packed day for me. and im morning shifts on saturday and sunday. great.
and apek doesnt want to pamper me on saturday. BOO to him.

bye!

2008-01-09T21:59:00.000+08:00

i want to lose weight. i want to lose weight. BAAAAH!! for years, i've been telling that to myself. think im giving up? NO. im taking control of myself now.
i remembered the times i ate real fast and alot (especially when its an outing or buffet) that i didnt care about my stomach being full. yes, that bad. and so, it expanded... and expanded... and expanded. till i told myself "enough is enough".
right...

anyways, the 1st 3 days of school has been great. been going regularly and punctually. schedule doesnt change much except that it's going to be more tiring coz of the preparations for our production. its going on well now and i cant wait for the whole thing to come together. its going to be really cool with Michael directing us. hopefully, we'll get some lightings and sound lessons from the experts. i find that the script is pretty short. but i guess all those non-dialog areas would still take some time away. ok ok ok. im really excited.

oh yes, my pay is going to finish soon. with me shopping like there's no tomorrow. hahaha!! well, at least im buying things that i NEED. ok fine... i dont need a trumpet. but its once in a lifetime chance. and hey... im paying it by installments. which means im not going to have a life for 3 months. its ok. i still have school to look forward too (ok... i cant believe i just said that).

work has been great. im trying to work more whenever i can. just to get some extra money. my trainer has been supportive. and hey, it's not as if i slack when im at work. my trainer said that im hardworking. wahahahaha!! yes, im flattered.

i'd somehow settled the things i need to pay off this month - parents, siblings MP3s, trumpet, transportation, prepaid. got the things i need - tops, undergarments, jacket. and now, there's only one thing to look forward for, a Seoul Garden feast with apek. he wants it so much. hahaha!!
die da berperot k. besar pulak tu. kiut eh! aku suke skali!!
but still, i want him to take care of himself. but he shits daily, so i think that's fine enough. hahaha!! k... too much information there. anyways, im getting the spectacles i bought for him done this saturday, too. im the one who's excited about it... not him. gosh.
he's becoming like him. :'(

i bore guys.

ok. i want to do more sit ups. thought of doing 100 per night. RIGHT... did 30 though. hahaha!! ambitious...

bye!

2008-01-06T00:25:00.000+08:00

hello!! im really contented today (well, ytd as a matter of fact).

i went back to Junyuan Sec after months of not seeing them. i miss JYSB. it was their CCA day. a number of alumni were there so we really had fun. i finally met my juniors after so long, especially the sec 2s. one came up to me and asked "who are you?". my sec 3 junior told her im mido. and she got really excited. wow. famous per aku. hahaha!! i saw all those old pictures of the band - which would obviously have ME inside them. MEMORIES, especially our very 1st concert at NYP - with our school uniform and tie (and me with centre-parting hair-do). gosh. i miss them, it felt so much like my 2nd family. missing them already.
oh oh oh!! i played alto saxophone, clarinet, french horn, snare drum, bass drum, and of coz trumpet today. coooooool.
and yes, i missed their performance in the morning. :'(
nonetheless, i brought my camera to take pictures of them. :)))

went to Emma's crib after band to take my long lost cap from her. hehe!! i miss her k and i miss our sleepovers. anyways, i slacked at her place for a while. we had our talks and all. gosh. her house is super cozy k. i miss you sis!! cant wait for thursday!!
and i had to rush to Raffles...

jamming was crazy. i got tired really fast. only an hour practice and i was dead by the 45th minute, thank you very much. i really cant wait for my trumpet this coming march. wooooot!
and i had to rush to Bugis...

met apek and we went to NLB. used the massage machine for almost 1 hour. damn shiok. then we walked around Raffles City and CityLink for a while. met Susi at her workplace. and we took the train back to Sengkang coz he promised me he would send me home. hahahaha!! we reached Sengkang early coz i wanted to walked around the pasar malam there. bought vadeh and we ate on our way to Compasspoint.
apek ate 4 double cheeseburger yesterday. and i cant even finish my meals. yes, im always feeding my boyfriend. gosh.
the long wait for the bus was the most memorable of all.
crazy shit boy.
that's why i love him so.

work later.
school tomorrow.
homework is NOT done.

bye!

2008-01-02T00:26:00.001+08:00

love

2008-01-01T23:47:00.000+08:00

its 2008!!!! oh my god!! oh my god!! 2007 pasts so fast!! celebrated with friends at east coast. there were Liyah, Susi, Bella, Eqyn, Dart, Saha, Birdie, Esha, Riyan, Apek, Faris, Suzi. it was hilariously fun. Su and Ashik was supposed to join but Ashik was somehow depressed (that's what Su told me).
anyways, Apek, Faris and Suzi fetched me from work and we met Susi at City Hall station and made our way to east coast. found them in the darkness exactly at midnight. red flares were seen minutes later and horns of the ships from the sea were heard. super cool i tell you. hugged Apek as we watched the flares in the sky.
after that, it was drinking time for everyone except me and Suzi. Apek got himself and Faris a bottle beer instead of joining the rest with the liquors that the rest had bought. we laughed as though there was no tomorrow. seriously, my tummy really hurts laughing at their craps. Apek said that i sound like a sissy talking in malay with my friends. hahahaha!! who cares!! i was having so much fun!! i miss those girls. its been so long since i hung out with them. then people starts to get tired. i cuddled beside Apek to sleep. hehe!! my teddy bear!!
and i was called "flash" coz i used flash to take pictures of them. the flash was really bright and they got really hyper. hahahahaha!!! crazy people. gosh.

i got myself a trumpet for $480. not bad of a price for a 2nd hand vincent bach compared to the one my instructor had priced to me, i.e. $1500 for a 2nd hand. really psyched for it but i had to sacrifice in return - less shopping, more budget. will only be receiving it after i made the full payment - which would be in March. im getting my very own trumpet!! at last!!! YAY!!

school's reopening next week. im telling myself to start jogging when i wake up early later. i must, i must. my thighs got bigger coz im having abrasions now. that sucks.

HAPPY 22nd BIRTHDAY to my primary school bestie, SURIANTI. lots of love.

im missing Apek so much already. i had a really great beginning of 2008 with him by my side. 2008 has got to be a better year. really.
i already had something in mind for our anniversary and his 20th birthday respectively. hehe!!!
cant wait for him to ORD so that we can go genting together (as if). :P

goodbye 2007!!
HELLO 2008!!

bye!

2007-12-31T00:41:00.000+08:00

it's new year's eve. 2007 seems to past really fast. last year, i was in RP dreading the reopening of school and here i am, anticipating my next semester in Lasalle with much excitement. and it was last year that things had turned really sour for me and uka. now, i have apek. he never fails to make me smile though he's always teasing me with all kinds of names and stuff which would pretty much pissed me off when he went over the top. but still, he's great.

im celebrating the new year for the very 1st time after work later with apek and his friends. nothing to be excited about 2008. but i cant wait to meet him, that's for sure.

im going to finish watching American Pie 6 Beta House, finish up my book and go to sleep. a long day tomorrow.

bye!

2007-12-27T00:34:00.000+08:00

i was a good girl today. i helped mummy with dinner the whole afternoon. we talked and laughed. i love her so much. and guess what... almost everything was finish when i reached home from esplanade.

didnt get to do the sleepover with emma. at first it was supposed to change to a west coast photography session outing. her late grandmother was admitted to the hospital the previous night so we had amended the plan. then she passed away today.
my sincere condolences to you, sis. love you.

i still went out at the very last minute, though. and i never knew apek would join me throughout. hehe!! met my primary school bestie. apek reached first coz he was from somerset. but surianti came minutes later. wasnt that bad - i had my book to keep me busy. then we waited for her friend, qisha (who happens to be uka's friend, too). we walked to the riverside while waiting for ashik to join us.
it was a crazy night. it started off pretty awkward but soon, we were all smiling and laughing. simply having lots of fun - though everyone's not close with everyone, get what i mean? anyways, we did lots of stupid things. most of the pictures are in su's camera. mine was too bulky to take fun shots - still took some. and with apek around, the memory of my camera will sure to decrease. hahaha!! cant wait for the pics from su's camera. for the meantime, here are the ones from mine.
oh yes, not forgetting how retarded we looked when doing the first two pictures.

the dark (ashik) . the bear (apek) . the short (su) . the pretty (qisha)

bye!

2007-12-25T23:59:00.000+08:00

work today was crazy. the children and lifestyle departments were laughing loudly at dinner, going crazy after closing hours - i sat on top of a trolley with cartons while keith pushed me (SO FUN!!!). and only kenney was the full timer present and he didnt mind all the noise. hehehe!! i simply love my trainer. we'd got 2 complains from the other departments and kenney had to take them. so i told the others to apologise to him. it was a great day. and i told kenney he rocks. (((:

i miss him.

bye!

2007-12-25T01:53:00.000+08:00

i am going to shop online next month. anyone want to join????

is it just me or has he become bored of me?
im tired of initiating.

i want to spend more time with my friends now. i think the weekly outings with apek is not necessary now. which means, im free on saturdays!!! weeeee!!
ashik is fickle-minded. 1st he said fishing will be on wednesday, then saturday. grrr...
i cant wait for the sleepover, emma. (((:

what if your past wants you back when you're attached
but you simply want to be alone?

the crowd pissed me off. but what pissed me off even more is the stupid one way to the train station system. and i have to go through that again after work tonight. great...

im getting my sister and lil bro an mp3 next month. they're so looking forward to it, especially my lil bro. just a little something from me for being such a bad sister before. im still not good enough now, though. :P

i cant wait for school to reopen. i want to be busy again.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!
hohoho!!

bye!

2007-12-24T02:14:00.000+08:00

suddenly, i have a temptation of getting a faux hawk. yar. once i get as skinny as i can to pull it off. fat faces so do not go with that style.
im on a strict diet now, people.

working is so boring k. no stock = nothing to do. WARGH!! i'd rather have loads to do than nothing. anyways, received a couple of christmas presents from my department. cool eh. one of them put "to my dearest midah". wahahahaha!! yes people, kinokuniya people calls me midah. so unglam k. im anticipating a book and organisor from my trainer and something-i-dont-know from my fellow part-timer. weeeee!! more more more!!! christmas is so fun.

im selling off some of my stuffs. going cheap. they're such a waste of space in my room. and im a super duper messy lil girl (apek has so got to agree with that).

sleepover with emma on wednesday. she's coming over. i so miss her. we're so going to gossip alot. hehe! girls...

i have no idea when im going fishing with that ashik. urgh. that belo.

im listening to saosin in youtube.
bye!

2007-12-22T01:42:00.000+08:00

im really psyched of my job prospect. i planned to get attached in some overseas company once i graduate, hopefully with the help of my lecturers. singapore's art industry is going nowhere. i surfed the web and check out anything about it. so many opportunities. finally, i know what i wanted to do. other then getting the degree, i had to save up for my degree year, i.e. $16k for the whole year. yes, where the hell am i going to get that kind of money. another thing to worry about. i just hope things would work out well for me. for now, i cant wait for my 2nd semester to begin.

im going east coast park with apek later. chill out session. he's such a lazy bum.

i want to live in a shophouse.
random wish.

ok bye!

2007-12-20T14:09:00.000+08:00

it was a silly day for me yesterday. went to work with no sleep and ended up talking craps with my colleagues. did my tasks as if i was sleep walking. but i did them, well ok. hahaha!! and the way i talk... its like, my body is sleeping and my mind is trying to keep me awake. my mouth was not cooperating with my brain. and so i talked really sloppily to everyone. hahaha!! i couldnt take it at this one moment that i could actually fall asleep leaning by the cartons, standing. went to excuse myself for a while and my supervisor gave me 15min break. so nice of her. i slept for a while and felt better. i knew i need that to keep me awake through the day. and i used my dinner time to take a nap, too. and i was all well. hahahaha!! gosh. my supervisors were all worried about me. but im cool. one of them calls me the rockstar. hahahaha!! what an embarrassing day for me.

anyways, i met perot before work yesterday. had lunch with him. well, i miss him already. we celebrated our monthsary last saturday. how time pasts. great memories. some misunderstandings here and there. gosh. i never knew i could experience such things again so soon. he's a great guy, no doubt. and the thing i love most about this relationship is that im still being myself, making friends, going out with them. sometimes we'll even text each other while we were chilling out with our own friends. and i feel all good. (((:

got to know that my family went to Genting instead of Cameron ok. Grrrrrrr!!! so pissed. but its ok. i was in here, making money. at least i dont rot at home like i used to do. im a change person now, i believe. its like... im afraid to be lazy again (though once in a while to be lazy is a luxury when you're always busy with all kinds of things every single day). at most, i'll give myself one lazy day each week. hahahahahaha!! that's when i'll be rotting at home with nothing in my schedule. how great it is. and today is one of those days. wooooooooo!!!

ok bye!

2007-12-14T09:52:00.000+08:00

woke up at 9am today. amazing considering i slept at 2am. i've been waking up early now anyways. so proud ok. haha!! i was surfing the net before i went to bed. couldnt bother to continue and just doze off. didnt get to talk with him over the phone yesterday coz my bro using the phone. boo-hoo!! but i did call him using my pre-paid. for a while and he was talking all mushy-mushy and i got disgusted and he just didnt stop it and i could hear his friends at the background laughing. and to top all that, he told me that's how he talks to his campmates. errrrr...

did i tell you that i'd just had a new haircut. yes! yes! i did. and people said its much neater now.
:(
i still miss my old hair. oh well, i had to do with this now. no longer getting one from the marine parade aunt sharon. now its the far east plaza aunt lily. she's good in bob style i tell u. superb!!! but its more pricey. and i think perot is somehow happy coz its short. he just loves girls with short hair. but i aint cropping it. no, no.
i miss you la perot!!! im going to hug you and kiss you and hug you more and kiss you more. muahahahahahaha!!!

there's an extension hours today - closing at 1030pm. which means we'll finish everything earliest at 1045pm. crazy bookstore. urgh. yesterday's crowd was madness, what more today. and its a friday. great. just hope there's alot of temp staffs. haha!! though they sucked in details, they're fast. im pretty particular with details. so yar, annoys me when i see something i didnt wanted to. but had to do with it - that's what kenney said. at least they're fast. ok, fine. grrrr...

the 30 year old guy asked me out last night. for a movie. after work. if he's perot, i would sure to say yes. but...
PERRRRRRROOOOOOOT!!!! (ok, my "R" karat. so can imagine?) hehe!! miss you! miss you!!

i love my family.
(((:

2007-12-12T23:39:00.001+08:00

envying this kid (well, her nick's really kid) from myspace. i dont really know her well and fucking didnt know she sings and plays guitar so well!!! on top of that, she's just 16??? 17??? and mido... you're 21. you cant fucking even play the bass well. shame on you!!!
WAAAAAH!!!! i wanna play the guitar!!!
oh yes, im going to get a trumpet by next year too. DOS will be back, hopefully by mid 2008.

i've been eating alot. like pay back after all those refrains from nice food!! hahahaha!! oh well, its back to control diet again. im going back to herbalife again next month coz im too lazy to work out once school starts. well actually, i dont have the time. hopefully next semester's movement class's cross training exercise helps. yes, we're going to have to jog. and im going to start jogging back soon to train myself for that. gosh. scary.
i miss those crazy bunch of peeps.

daddy said that he'll pay half of my car's license. good bargain??? hmmm... i want a bike license!!! both? can i do it? crazy sia mido!! maybe i would. i'll take the theories for the car while i try to finish with the bike asap. hahaha!! we'll see.

i want to get braces, hopefully next year. insyallah. you know why? coz there's gaps on my teeth. not attractive k. and its been ages since i went to a dentist. so yeah, why not start right?

everything's been going smooth. im getting better from my lack of rest. my family's doing good. i felt so proud that i could help my parents when they needed some financial. my bro's back in school and working in a hotel. my sis is working at macdonalds. my lil bro is forever getting my parents to get him things. so yeah, i hope 2008 will be a better year for us.

oh yes, im pissed coz of 2 things.
1. i'd paid $40 for an online purchase from yahoo auctions. didnt get it. and the seller is not responding to me. FUCKING FRAUD!! my 40 fucking bucks!!!!
2. my M1 line is not terminated. thus the line is still going on which equals to, BILLS. fuck. i'll make sure that they dont cheat coz im fucking not going to use that fucking card. M1 sucks big time ok.

im might be fishing the whole day with Ashik, his friend and his friend's uncle next thursday. i am soooo psyched about it. and its not the normal fishing by the jetty kind of thing. its on a boat in the middle of the sea. like... YAY!!!

2007-12-12T01:33:00.000+08:00

been really lazy to update. work has been really great. the temporary staffs are really great. they'd lessen the workload of the seniors - including me!! therefore i had time to do other things but packing. i had lots of "fotresses" (that's what we call for our main display areas) done by myself - which would eventually be DESTROYED by the customers over the hours.
-_-"
anyways, my trainer, Kenny, has been really nice to me. he understands my needs when i was sick and was unable to go to work last sunday. yes, i was feeling too weak to work. and i was in the morning shift. cant even wake myself up. gosh.

the scoldings from apek last time really made an impact on me. like... WOW.

ok. im feeling sleepy.
so much for being adorable and have another guy liking me. WTH.
i love my apek very much!! see how adorable he is...
he was super adorably smart last saturday with his shirt.

sorry girls!! he's MINE!! wahahahahaha!!!
bye!!

2007-12-07T02:02:00.000+08:00

all those responsibilities and continuous workload had left me exhausted the whole day. woke up in time for lunch and got back to sleep in no time. then up again thinking of going for the musical but i was too tired. and here i am. still awake in the wee hours updating the blog. it seems like im becoming nocturnal.

i'd finished reading a book by Dave Pelzer - a Child called IT. great book i tell you. its just amazing how i can actually read a book nowadays. and i thought i hated them. its a great way of minding your own business in the public. love it. im going to look for the sequel to the book. it really moved me. the more i feel that im fortunate to be living this way.

at times, i cant believe that apek and me didnt have major arguments in 4 months. just misunderstandings and over-reactions. but come to think of them, those things were really minor and, may i say, stupid. we got over them anyways. time pasts real fast. its december now, 2008 is coming. another year for him to serve the nation.
there was a time when we crapped on the phone. trying to make each other unhappy. he started it so i just join in the fun. i even cried in the middle of the conversation coz of some similarities of him and uka. i put down the phone to cry. text him saying that i was sorry and he replied telling me to pick up my phone again. he was still on it. he kept asking me why i cried. i hesitated at first but gave in eventually. and guess what, we were all laughs again within minutes. weird.
yes, he's still making me laugh and smile. and im praying it's there to stay. i thank Allah for letting me off from uka. apek is a blessing for me. i learnt to be supportive and patient, appreciate those little times i can have with him and collecting all those memories. ((:

im really tired. off to work again this noon.
bye!

2007-12-06T00:14:00.000+08:00

simply exhausted by the lack of rest and more responsibilities at work. each time i reached home from my afternoon shifts, it'll be past eleven. and by the time i settle down and ready to go to sleep it'll be around 1-3 in the morning (like now). and with temporary staffs this month, i had to take care of them once in a while. and it's really crazy shit!!! i never had so much headache in my working life in Kinokuniya till the day i had to take charge of 3 temporary staffs coz there was no full timers around. and i was informed the night before. but i still have to look out for them once in a while. my legs aches.

im really tired. im going to have a long, well deserved sleep before going for the Lasalle's Urinetown musical at 730pm. i cant wait.
im involved in the Fringe festival. how cool is that?!

apek said that im getting prettier last night. unbelievable.
and i told him he's getting bigger. *giggles*
adorable.

my dark rings are getting worst. my eyebags, too. i need to pamper myself one day. but with what eh?

bye!

2007-12-03T05:12:00.000+08:00

without a doubt, the past still haunts me. and at times it chases me, pushes me and makes me cry. even my heart aches. i WAS alone the whole time, i thought. yes, im still drowning myself with tears for this. but i never knew... i never knew he would take my hand, listen to my cries and make me laugh it out in the end. i never knew. i am scarred and i'll forever will be. but i realised, he will stand by me and shield me from all these nightmares. he's my hero. ((:

resolutions for 2008:
Bike License
Trumpet
DOS
Level 1 Technical Theater

DOS is going to be up and alive again. most probably will be looking for a guitarist to replace Ian. i miss performing. i miss gigs. i miss playing the trumpet. im so going to get one for myself.

he's such a crapper. i love it.
bye!

2007-11-30T01:12:00.000+08:00

just a little update. holidays have finally arrives but essays and journals had to be done. im about to suffer from mental exhaustion in no time. outing with Heira was great. next week will be with Emma. i miss the girls. next must be Yaya. i miss my apek so much. he's really busy in camp now and it's been days since we talk. he dont even have the time to text me much. yes, Heira. i love him still. i know i hesitated but it's true, i still love him. very much indeed.

sleep now. waking up at 6. do my last essay and voila!
bye!

2007-11-29T00:03:00.000+08:00

how can i not answer that question.
am i hesitating.
or is it for real.
is this really the end.
if only you realized what you're doing.
well, IF ONLY.
guess time will drift me away from you.
love.

two essays down, one more to go.

2007-11-28T00:07:00.000+08:00

im really exhausted. i know i have my sleeps but they never seemed enough for me. i think i have to start exercising again. i didnt jog last week. and i wont have time to do it this week either. great, just great. anyways, even without the jog, im still maintaining my weight. weird huh. guess how i managed to know my weight... HERBALIFE. what the hell. it's like the 3rd time those people approached me for their survey. gosh. so in the end, i aint have any money so the surveyor was obviously not pleased with it. seriously, these kind of surveys should ask the interviewees directly if they have any money to spare for their stupid products or not at the very beginning instead of making us think that we're just a waste of their time. its so discriminating. so i took the chance to know what i had to buy. online ones are so much more cheaper then their prices. urgh.

we're alright now. im so relieved. i started to cry out of the sudden coz i couldnt take the pain anymore. and that Ashik had to call me and make me stop crying. gosh. the things he does. but im glad he was there for me. we talked a lot of crap, as usual. apek is having some kind of exercise thingy, so he'll be too busy and tired to keep in touch with me much this week. i understand, sweetheart. ((:

tomorrow is Group performance make up class. and after that im finishing up all my essays and journals. and then, it's time for FISHING!!! like... FINALLY!!! thanks to Ashik man!!! its time to relax and chill!!!

anyways, there was so many things to do at work just now. i was doing the displays the whole day. i think working there is one of the reason why im able to maintain my weight. carrying all those cartons, book, and all those stupid bulky things. walking here and there the whole working hours. seriously, the moment that i get to sit down, i just wished that i dont have to get up again. that's how much walking we had to do every single day.
oh yes!! talking about work. recently i'd just handled one fucked-up customer. its a common thing for us to inform the customers to browse the books if its really expensive or what-not. then he asked why. so i just said that it's an expensive book. then i think he got insulted and started to be sarcastic towards me and asked me "so what if it's expensive?? im going to buy it anyway" and "so i cannot browse it over there, is it?". fucking DICKHEAD i tell you. then he came back to me. i was smiling ok. and he said this "so you want to escort me to the counter now?" and walked off. FUCK OFF man!!! so what if you have the fucking money!! it wont stop you from going to HELL anyway!!! DICKHEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!! im so pissed off!!! ATTITUDE RICH BASTARDS!!!

k bye!

2007-11-26T15:50:00.000+08:00

orite. i am pissed of coz i cant seem to recall most of the things i'd learned and participated in class. i hate the fact that i am going to flunk this module. and many other module with papers involved. fuck. fuck. fuck. do you know what is better? Yoga is COMPULSORY and i'd only went for like... TWO classes!!! im so fucked up.

i hate the fact that im going through the same shits again and again. im really getting sick and tired of this endless mind games.
what if... nah... what if... nah... what if... SHUT UP mido, its stupid!!!
i kept wondering if i am still single nowadays. how would i have been. i would be so much more happier. really. i was so happy with my girlfriends and friends. so FREE!! fuck!! i was indeed FREE!! fuck! fuck!

this coming week schedule have been filled up. great isnt it. the week has just begun and my following week have been filled up. and i have to keep reminding myself what i have a few times daily to refrain myself from forgetting them. and that's only ONE of the things which runs around my head.

im watching Urinetown with Emma next thursday. YAY!! i cant go with apek on saturday coz there's jamming with In Reverie. have not told him though. fuck la.
no use texting him now. waste of my money. he was messaging me almost every hour when he was pursuing me. now... fuck la k. i tried to ignore all that and continued sending him at least one nice message each day. guess what i'd get in return? SILENCE. fuck that alright. i told myself that today is the last day that im going to initiate some kind of communication with him. FUCKING SICK AND TIRED.
oh yes, did i tell you that he didnt hug me much the last time we met, even when i was the one initiating it (a number of times), he'd move away coz he was busy with my camera or something. HURT, indeed.

another fucked up relationship for me.
k bye!

2007-11-26T00:37:00.000+08:00

it's been a long time since i hung out with a group of friends. its super fun but things are simply not the same anymore. everyone's moving on with their life, growing up. im happy for them. but i do miss them.

i slept at 530 tis morning and woke up at 715. i'd done my research but not my revision. assessment is in less than 12 hours time and im still un-revising. i got ready and went to work. i didnt eat the whole day. my dearest trainer, kenney, treat me a bottle of orange juice. hehe! went for lunch but not for the break. i got so engrossed with the young adult books that i dun feel like resting. after work, rushed to SRT for Pillowman. it was AWESOME!!! my lecturer, Michael, is to be envied. Ashik picked me up from Liang Court, as promised, and sent me home. ((:
and im going to do my revision after this. get a few hours of shut eye. go for assessment. then to work. and back home. have more rest. visit my dearest JYSB in the morning before going to work. back home again. try to start a little bit with my essays before sleep. go for the Group Performance make-up class in the afternoon. and finally finish up all my 3 essays after that. so that on thursday's Acting make-up class, i can hand in everything together. wow... work on friday. probably jamming on saturday before the gig. and work on sunday. then finally, it's officially HOLIDAYS!!! but... i'll be working 5 days per week. :P

im really hungry. and sleepy.
im disappointed in myself. dont ask why and pretend that you even cared.

2007-11-24T23:29:00.000+08:00

alright. i did managed to go out with him for a while. and my mood swing spoiled it. but the whole outing was super duper fun. we went to suntec city. went in toys r us for a while. then sat at the sky garden. then i participated in this holding the note thingy and got a $5 KFC voucher for holding it for 28.7seconds (of coz la i can hold, band member mah!!). WICKED!! then we chilled at esplanade. photography session along the way. yes, we took loads of pictures. ((:

i dont think im going to sleep today. im going to find notes for monday's assessment. then im going to find inspiration to start doing my essays. then off to work (morning shift!!!). and after work, rush to SRT for Pillowman. im so relieved that Ashik's going to pick me up after that show. PHEW.

see that tummy bulging out? that's MY "perot". hehe!!

me and the big illusion "O". its a really cool structure!!

and here's apek in the big illusion "O".

apek and my boyfriend, Patrick.

my boyfriend and I. ((:

told him i could last longer when i overheard this event. and i did. haha!! set the record man!!

here's the voucher!! really big for such a small amount.

met our souls at the rooftop. a new effect i learned with my nikon D70s. thanks to apek.

that's us. love.

just saw this pic at dee's friendster earlier. those were the times!!! wargh!!! i miss them so the bloody much!!!

bye!

2007-11-24T02:18:00.000+08:00

it's been a long time since i visit my alma mater, JYSB (not JYSS). and im so excited to visit them for their practices next week. i miss the JYSB ambiance. its so homely. the school has changed so much eversince Mrs Lee had stepped down as the principal. so many stupid restrictions. anyways, i still love my JYSB. it is where im known for my talents. i was not called the "band chic" in class for nothing.

im finding sites for self study for the upcoming assessment. and just saving them. im too tired to read now. mentally.
Haris complimented me on my progression in class. comparing with the audition i did to get into the school. yeah, i guess i learned a lot about being in theater. though im not into the performance kind of things. but all of these are great experiences for me. who knows, i'll do theater as a freelance on top of my career. :)

hopefully we're going out tomorrow. i miss him badly.

jamming next week, before the gig. hopefully Farhan can make it. his shifts job is so in the way. im sure to suck. haha!

bye!

2007-11-23T06:39:00.000+08:00

let me introduce you to a handful of my friends i hold dearly now.

this is the babe whom i called Micey. she's super hot and super crappy.

this is Heira. she's been the one who i can talk about anything when we meet. and i do mean anything. she loves to wear my glasses.

this is Yaya!! she's belo but she's really sporting!! she's my "victim" for my photography session. she's pelat, that's what unique of her.

that my band kaki, Emma!! my twin!! we love JYSB more than each other. hahaha! she's been a great friend all these years.

now you've met Bear! he slimmed down alright. looking more handsome aint he. he's a crappy guy. and he promised to be there whenever i need someone to talk to.

my long lost good friend, Ashik, who loves to laugh for no reason. yes, super adorable. dimple boy. he's crappy, too. he's the one who sent me to hospital coz of my finger. really nice guy.

last but not least, my engaged cousin, Liyah. we're not as close as before but she's still the Liyah i know deep inside.

that's all folks!!
im finally going for yoga class now.

bye!

2007-11-23T02:58:00.000+08:00

i've been too lazy to put any pics. here goes.

that's how my future boy is going to be. (berangan sak mido...)

something i wish to be up and strong again.

the lifelong supporters of mine. love them.

and so i love this top. and it so happens that all the good shots taken are with this top on. my lucky green top!!

and here he is. the one who simply loves to tease me, trick me and love me. taken during our 2nd meeting. and yes, i was wearing my lucky green top on this day!! love you, apek.

alright. i've been bumming around the whole day. didnt even do my school work. i have a practical assessment later on. an essay, workbook and colouring book (yes, we have colouring book. that's what our lecturer calls it. its an anatomy booklet. we have to colour them according to the different parts.) to be handed in by today. and i've only done like... 10% of it all. a long way to go but its alright. i had my sleep earlier so im not sleeping. im telling myself to start doing everything NOW.

k bye!

2007-11-22T15:15:00.000+08:00

i thought i was going berserk again just now. luckily i confided on him and things are cleared.

will be doing my Performance Analysis after this. and Voice homework after that. then i'll be doing the 3 essays for my Dramatic lit. saturday will be my revision day for History of the Arts assessment on Monday. and last but not least, Group Performance journals.
Group Performance make up class next wednesday, should be an 8 hrs of class. and Acting make up class on thursday, a 4hrs class. then, its HOLIDAYS!!!
Pillowman this Sunday straight from work. asked Ashik to fetch me after the play since im afraid there wont be anymore last buses or trains. besides, i dont even know how to get to the stations and busstops. how clever.

These guys called me their best friends: Bear and Ashik. how adorable.
i miss hanging out with Heira, Yaya and Emma individually. they're loads of fun and gossips and laughter and craziness and many many more!!!

bye!

2007-11-22T02:23:00.000+08:00

movie outing was great. gamelan was funny and stupid at the same time. but hanging out with my dear Heira was fun!! love her soooo much!!!

reached home and thought of going for a jog but got too lazy. Ashik asked me out and we went to east coast park to chill. we talked alot and laughed. thinking about the old times. im just glad that im there for him. reached my place at 210am.

p/s: apek knows.

2007-11-20T00:40:00.000+08:00

right. still having a number of assignments to be done. but i have everything figured out so im not going to breakdown again. things has been going good in school and i've been motivated altogether.

Acting class just now was great. we practiced our little scripts and received comments from Matt. never in my life did i ever see myself acting in front of a group of people and actually enjoyed it. Foundation Theatre has indeed nourished me with so many things inside and out.

love it. im psyched for next semester.

he's Mr Belo.

and im Miss Pekak.

2007-11-18T19:11:00.000+08:00

time spent with him yesterday was the greatest yet. i laughed so much that i couldnt remember the last time i had so much fun with just one company. i teased him continuously and he's still all good. i just love to see him irritated. took his ciggerettes away and he pleaded me to give him back. and for a big guy to talk with such pathetic tones just to get his cigarette box back is really entertaining. well, i threatened to crush it anyway (of coz, i did not). i know how dearly and how precious a box of cigarettes means to smokers in singapore. yeah, was just being evil.

and i got to know why he loves me. :D

there's one thing i have to declare:

I LOVE APEK

this is the reason why.

2007-11-17T01:54:00.000+08:00

im meeting apek tomorrow!! yay! yay!! we didnt spend much time last week. so its time to make up those lost times yar. i hope he'll be feeling better after his sleep. he got sick when he booked out from camp. im so psyched. he's going to accompany me do my school work. i dont care. :P

yes. im acting cute. but it was super duper fun.

2007-11-16T00:44:00.000+08:00

guys can be so attentive, so sweet when they're courting you. but once they get you, it seems as though they'd lost interest in you. so when you feel unappreciated and got a little bit unassured, you go to them for some questionings and they'll think that you're just over-reacting. its always like that. and its driving the girls crazy. we can play this game their way.

Apek didnt sound excited when talking to me. he was busy entertaining his friend while we're on the phone. just typical questions. i was so enthusiastic and he was gloomy. then, when i thought we could talk more, he wants to sleep. i dont know if i should be pissed. well, he did say that he's tired. guys.

i have only myself now. those encouragements you get from others will soon fade away. coz in the end, you're on your own again.

i miss the times he surprised me with sweet messages. they just brightened up my days. now... fuck. the least i get are "hello-s", "how are you-s", "what are you doing-s" and "have you eaten-s" messages. can be a bore man. he used to text me numerous times each day - all with at least 5 replies each. asking all sorts of questions and texting stupid stuffs. now, i can even count the number of messages he sends daily with my one hand, and on lucky (but RARE) days, both hands. nothing special anymore. haiz.

ok. im freaking bloated now and i feel single-ish.

2007-11-15T00:37:00.000+08:00

Beowulf production has made me all so enthusiastic for school. im finally catching up with everything and DOING SOMETHING!!! its due on March or April 2008 and our pre-production is not even done. the meeting earlier really opened my eyes to what has been going on. its like everyone's doing something except for me. bad, bad, mido. oh well, currently i have to work on the set and props. the stage managing will only start once we have proper schedules and venues for practices and rehearsals.

Yang Ming, Jess and Michael: quick finish with the scripts oready!!!

celebrated Michael's birthday in school. he was "WANTED". he had a new haircut eh! charming. got him a HUGE birthday card and Janice baked him a cake. mini celebration for our lovely director.

oh yes!!! the whole lot of 50 over of us are going to watch Beowulf movie next Wednesday!! WICKED!!! woooooo!! i love LaSalle's Performing Arts Foundation!!!

i was on the phone with Ashik the whole morning. till 5 plus actually. he told me about the incident he had earlier, we talked about going fishing, some ghost stories, lots of craps. talking with him has never been serious la. from the 1st conversation we had years back, till now. i still remember i keep calling him "SIK AR!! SIK AR!!". nonsense me.

my trainer, Kenney, has been messaging me for the pst few days. he's such a sweet guy. so concern of my well-being. he's my motivator at work. and my mentor. :D

Bear going to POP on 12122007. he's so psyched about it man. im glad that we're still friends after i had indirectly "rejected" his attraction for me. but he's good and looking good, too.

Apek is in the field. fullstop. LOVE. fullstop.

i'll be doing my Dramatic Lit essay after this update. i'll be doing the other journals and essays later tonight, after school. go mido go!! go!! go!! :)

went for a jog after dinner with family. bad idea. stomach cramps after one round. hahaha!! stupid me. i know that we shouldnt do exercise with a full stomach. i just forced myself. im going to jog again tonight. and yes, im starting on a diet now coz im getting fatter each day.

alright. it's 130am and i need to wake up early this morning. shit.

and so... that was me.

2007-11-14T00:38:00.000+08:00

and i thought that the ska bands are dying. well, the veterans are surely making a comeback now. i cant wait for the numerous gigs coming up. this is so fucking exciting k!!! im making a routine to check out any gigs coming up everytime im online. people my age starts going to club - well, my friends who are younger are already regulars. im still stuck with the gig scene. well, i love it.

my essay was finally done and was checked through just now. "generally, it was ok", my lecturer said. hahahaha!! just need to tighten it up and give more examples. and the footnote - what the fucking hell is that. it just shows how much attention i had for his class. :P

i still have other essays, though. but they dont require 2000 words. PHEW!!!

my manager had a talk with me just now. she gave me an additional weekday off. you wouldnt believe how happy i am. im going to re-do back my essay so that i wont be in a hurry next week. tomorrow's Michael's birthday and there's going to be a mini party. watching Beowulf with the whole performing arts foundation next week. like... how cool is that! i cant wait. im the stage manager cum set designer for the production.

i had just volunteered for another FOH position for another event in January by NS. and Gill's going to help me get some technical theatre backstage positions for Beauty World. which means, i need alot of free time. great. my very 1st experience as an FOH later this evening, straight after my gamelan class. all black!!!

so many things. so little time. let me have it!! let me have it!!

2007-11-12T22:43:00.000+08:00

and when i thought no one bothered about me, apek got worried about me, my supervisors are concern of me. i'd eventually opened up. it felt so good!!! im just glad that they're there for me. listening to me. im currently halfway through my 2000 words essay. and i thought its just impossible to finish it. but yes, im finishing it soon.

im just blessed to have met these people in my life. friends do come and go. some stayed by your side while others leave. some will appear again out of nowhere and disappear soon after. i still have a handful of good friends left. guys makes much better friends and they tend to spend time with their friends whenever they can.

i know being an attached girl can be a bitch at times. you'll said that you miss your friends but more times are simply spent with your guy. sheesh. im like that, no doubt. i had to coz my whenever im free, they're not and vice versa. i do miss them, dearly.

Micey: lets have a sleepover again.

Emma: lets have endless talks about anything again.

Yaya: lets have photography session again.

Heira: lets play at the Vivocity's fountains again.

hahahahaha!!!

the stupid things that we do. i miss them dearly.

Comic Strip performance at the field in front Eunos MRT this sunday at 11am.

FOC. i think im free. cant wait!

mentally disturbed.

2007-11-12T18:44:00.000+08:00

and so i thought that everything is going fine when the underlying current began to splash out and destruct me. life has not been going smooth eversince the darkest mistake. and the ending of the last relationship does not help either.

im trying to avoid making the same mistakes again - neglecting my love ones. im trying to be someone better. but at the same time, im trying to find myself. its not easy when everyone around you thinks that you're drowning yourself with every oportunity you're given. its not easy when the people around you thinks that you're having a great life. its not easy when you see your fellow classmates doing good and you're left behind coz you're just too lost with yourself and the modules. its not easy when people expect you to be something when they're looking at you as nothing. its not easy when you'd lost your love ones coz of your stupid mistakes and trying to get everything back together again by yourself.

easy to say, its not easy being me, now.

i was a bright student getting good grades in school coz all i had to worry about is my studies. now i have many other things to think about.

i know that at times, im just bringing myself down. maybe all i need is ensurance and support.

im putting all these is because apek became fed up with me all of the sudden. and to have him in the fields on his first day and saying all these to me made me feel super guilty.

i should forget about the past but learn from it not brood over it and affect the present. i blame all these to myself coz no one else is to be blame.

i couldnt ask for a better person to be in my life now. he may be younger than me, but he's just as wise.

its going to be our month-sary in 3 days time. eventhough we recently had some misunderstandings, we did not drag them. we always had fun when we met. and looking at his face always makes me smile. as simple as that. he do have some attitude at times though. same goes to me. teehee!

im loving him more and more each day.

LOVE

2007-11-11T13:13:00.000+08:00

and i thought i can trust them,

again.

i realised that my last relationship had a huge impact on me.

telling me that the one you love can still stab your very back.

its scarying me.

i didnt know im still affected by this.

i thought that was it when it ended.

but no,

its me.

its the impact that made me how i am now.

filled with paranoia and guilt,

lack of trust and confidence.

i hope it'll kills me rather than the relationship.

met up with Ashik yesterday at the BBQ.

didnt know he was working there.

dropped by and we caught up with stuffs.

gosh...

the times we hung out.

he grew... well, he got shorter.

hahahahaha!!

that's what i felt.

anyways, he's still the Ashik i knew.

we were happily talking when my mum asked this:

"asal korang berbual AKU-KAU?"

both of us looked at each other and laughed.

hahahahaha!!

mother...

it was great meeting him.

i cant wait to meet him again for gigs.

i miss gigs so much.

the greatest fun i had ever had.

going for gigs almost every single week.

coz well, there are loads of gigs compared to now.

its dying.

the scene is dying.

but i aint going to give it up coz others did.

my heart is still in the scene.

im at my lowest point now.

no one knows.

they'll never know.

i'll never show.

bye!

2007-11-08T12:14:00.000+08:00

542nd post

since February 2004

wow.

i was hurt yesterday.

fullstop.

im doing my essay after this.

yes,

essay, essay, essay.

my brain is going to explode.

at times,

the word that im looking for is no longer in my brain's memory

hate it when that happens.

so i'll be stoning,

trying to find that word in my empty brain

which would have been covered with spiderwebs by now.

alright.

im lame.

work in the evening.

expect...

WAR.

i'd bought my Body Shop perfume

and Maybelline Mascara.

like... at last.

im not shopping much this month.

need to control. hehe!

bought my sister and lil brother some gifts.

advance birthday and really belated birthday gifts.

im being a good sis this month.

and im not a good girlfriend.

will never be.

ever.

and Bear said im getting prettier.

that surprised me.

coz im gaining weight again.

apek rarely compliments me.

but i know he loves me.

i guess.

bye!

2007-11-07T15:54:00.000+08:00

in the library now.
im like telling myself to start doing my essays.
hahaha! sort of started.
told myself that i dont need to go around looking for good essays to guide me.
its just a waste of time.
so now im like typing them with whatever i can think of.
gosh.
and its easier this way.
should have done that long time ago.
dumb dumb.

i've been trying to update the blog
but the wireless connection at home sucked big time
and the inspiration for that particular post would no longer be there.
so here i am.
typing another one.
hoping it wont fail on me again.

my introduction for the 2000 words essay was alright for a start.
im so happy with myself.
so i told myself this:
"see!! i told you you can write without all those stupid essay samples to guide you!!"
hahahahaha!

yes, people.
i love talking to myself.
its the only thing that could motivate me in anything that im doing.

seriously, no kidding.

its really outrageous, but it works for me.

hahahahaha!

mido talks to herself.

then if i am correct in anyway,

it would be a silent celebration for me.

but if its not,

just a silent lesson to be learnt.

so much better then having someone knowing your aims

but you're never achieving them.

right.
its time for me to start with my essay again.

i'd organised the sub-headings to guide me so that

well, they will keep me organised.

durh.

i think i should just start with my other essay.

an essay that i dont need to read up so much.

yes, im lazy.

blearghz!

im going to meet him later.

im freaking hungry now.

and i need to pee.

i know its random.

but i just need to let it out.

hahahahaha!!!

i miss my friends so much.

i miss JYSB.

bye!

"I think SARAH IS REALLY HOT..SHE'S DAMN GORGEOUS LORH!"
- sarah amir

she told me not to delete that.
haha!!

2007-11-03T16:02:00.000+08:00

right.

just when i though history is to repeat itself

apek cheered me up like the past never did.

me and my mood swings and impatience.

yes, apek is really patient with me.

thank goodness.

what goes around, comes around.

that's what i thought when Uka ditched me in June.

i do hope he'll find someone who wouldnt cheat on him.

he's a nice guy but he do have issues with himself.

and so...

i did went out with apek yesterday.

Sentosa trip was a blast.

we bought 4 large bottles of green tea and mineral water.

he's just confident we need that much.

and so he said...

we eventually USED UP 3 bottles altogether.

emphasis on the USED UP - coz we sort of used the mineral water to wash.

hahahahahahahaha!!!

we had a blast at the beach.

crazy with him.

super rough... but i like!

did some stupid things there.

he took off his board shorts in the sea.

dared me.

well, i wore boxers with underwear.

so my situation was alright.

we was NAKED.

hahahahahahahaha!!

he told me that he'll sure to see me write the following.

we passed the entrance of the "Songs of the Sea" performance shit.

i was walking ahead of apek.

past the "usher" of that event CLEARLY.

and when i turned back to look at apek.

WOW!!!

she smiled and greeted him man!!

im CLEARLY not small that she practically ignored my presence.

no fucking face loser. urgh.

and yes, apek did smile back.

out of courtesy he told me.

right... *sarcastic expression*

then we walked around Vivocity.

played the playground.

weeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

when he was spinning me around this thing,

he was texting me something

and accidentally sent it without finishing it.

guess what he was trying to send...

i did received the "Buntal i love you very much" part.

but he didnt finish the "pasal you masakkan i (coz you cooked for me)"

when he's right by me making me dizzy.

couldnt stop smiling after that.

then we took a long bus ride to Bedok.

met his friends before going to Changi chalet.

met his "geng" there.

he was so tensed up in the beginning

and i was making myself comfortable.

i was annoyed when he was looking all serious.

gosh.

when the party started, the drinkings, too.

we got away when his friend's gf, Susi, wanted to walk around.

well, THEY (apek and his friend, Faris) got away.

we chilled at the so called bridge.

super nice.

i fell asleep on his lap.

hehe!!

went back to the chalet around 3-4 in the morning.

thinking that the drinking has ended.

but no...

the 2 guys became the victims, still.

hahahahaha!!

Susi and me, too, were forced.

but we insisted that we drink none

and the "invitors" got annoyed.

PHEW!!

we were the only 2 non-drinkers there.

then we made our escape plan.

apek and i went off 1st to Changi beach

while Faris and Susi join us later.

yeah. and i got home at 8 in the morning today.

that's the time spent before he has to stay in camp for 2 whole weeks.

it was the greatest outing i had with a guy.

SUPERB.

but it cannot be compared to the times i had with my friends.

weeeeeeeeee!!!

right.

im sleepy again.

bye!

2007-11-02T00:26:00.000+08:00

fuck LJ la.

im sick and tired of it.

back to Blogger.

im feeling really pissed of now. why is it that everytime that im nice, i'll get the impression that im boring them. i cant get my mind at peace when this happens and its driving me insane!! i took the time off from school and work just to spend the whole day with you before your 2 weeks of bloody NS shit. you could at least sound excited or say that you couldnt wait for it. and i purposely chose Sentosa coz you've been wanting to go there since like... forever. eventhough i had to look for some cash just to get there. i even volunteered to cook for the day so that we dont have to worry about money. this feeling is not new to me.

fuck guys.

they're just a pain in the ass.

urgh.

2007-10-11T15:48:00.000+08:00

im HAPPY.

my birthday was great after all.

thanks to Heira and Emma.

you guys brightened up my birthday.

oh yes, not forgetting Micey.

Micey.

thank you for cheering me up early in the morning.

you made me laugh when i felt like crying.

hehe!!

Heira.

thanks you for spending most of my birthday with me.

i wouldnt forget that rich bitches acts.

it was hilarious!!!

the movies, the window shoppings.

thank you babe!

Emma.

thank you for making the effort to meet me even when you're not feeling that good.

you surprised me with those flowers and famous amos!!!!

and the ice cream!! yummy yum yum!!!

the little time we had catching up with stuffs.

oh how i miss those days when we talked non-stop about bands.

*smiling*

these 3 wonderful babes made my birthday a great one.

I LOVE ALL 3 OF YOU VERY MUCH.

very, very much.

he loves me.

i know that.

and he heard me cry last night.

i love you, apek.

lastly, i would like to thank Allah for letting me live and experience the ups and downs i had.

giving me the strength to see myself.

love Him more then anything else.

there's no such thing as ~~21st birthday sex~~.

SERIOUSLY.

the Hari Raya mood made me not go to school this week.

wargh!!

that's not good.

not good at all.

Heira said that i look so much in love.

oh gosh.

i do?!

apek!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

bye!!!

2007-10-10T01:50:00.000+08:00

happy birthday to me.

nothing special.

really.

people are wishing me a day or days before my birthday.

and some are those i would expect to be the ones who wanted to be the 1st to wish me ON MY BIRTHDAY itself.

but no...

and im like PM-ing people in MSN to wish me Happy Birthday,

coz im just not happy on my birthday now.

disappointed.

i do appreciate all the wishes though.

thanks guys.

i feel like crying now.

i hope meeting Emma later would change this.

it's really not a good start.

sigh.

bought a Kebaya this time after YEARS of Baju Kurung.

i need a corset.

someone buy me one.

he's sleeping.

called him hoping he would at least hold on till midnight.

nope.

he slept.

well, i cant blame him right? he's tired.

we cant even meet anytime soon.

it's my birthday.

it's supposed to be special.

special.

21 and still crying.

2007-10-08T00:21:00.000+08:00

saturday was a rare but wonderful family day.

break our fast at Han River EastPoint.

i had a great time.

you know the free massage equipment some company like Osim would promote.

my dad was sitting there the whole time the other family members were walking around.

he was so cute sitting and enjoying the free massage la.

hahahaha!!!

then there was this kiddy rite where you go around the shopping mall on.

my lil bro wanted to ride it.

its the type where even adults can ride on.

and so... I DID!!!

it was sooooooooooo fun!!!!

hahahahahaha!!!

den mummy was going around shopping for her scarfs.

so the kecoh k.

hahaha!!

and at the last part, i tried a corset at a lingerie shop.

my boobies were popping out man.

and my mummy laughed when i said this,

"tetek adek besar sangat la"

hahahahaha!!!

that was our outing.

food was splendid.

there were no fights.

i think my parents are happy.

Hari Raya mode is switched on.

my room is being painted as i type now.

my new furnitures will be coming tomorrow.

my pay is in.

land i got to know that im going to BUY my Hari Raya clothes!!

like my parents, IM HAPPY!!

ECSTATIC!!!!!

guess life is so much better when you treasure your family than others huh.

i have this weird habit of getting an itchy nose whenever i meet apek.

wahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

REALLY!! every single time it'll itch.

im going to Sentosa!!

weeeeeeeeeee!!!

bye!!

2007-10-05T13:44:00.000+08:00

my heart.

it hurts.

girls are still girls.

we're sensitive.

i am.

im in the library now.

finally having the inspiration to do my work.

i still have 2 essays and 10 journal entries to do.

that's excluding the texts that i had to read,

the research that i had to find.

oh well, this is college life.

deal with it mido.

im with Micey now.

spending time with her.

trying to make her study actually.

but also just being there for her.

love her so much.

i love my mummy.

she's so adorable.

though we still have our fights now and then.

she loves me.

and i love her.

daddy's been great, too.

i love them.

my sister, my brothers.

all of them.

i remembered i used to hate them all.

i was selfish.

i was a rebel.

i had no heart for them.

but at the same time, i adored families with great bond.

and i told myself, why am i feeling that way of mine?

i should treasure them.

they're there for me all the time.

they went to my concerts.

they supported my passion.

they let me find myself and back me up the whole time.

this is the reason why im changing.

my family, my life.

my birthday's coming.

21 huh.

wow.

bye!

2007-10-04T05:26:00.000+08:00

one by one, people are moving to LiveJournal.

somebody tell me, WHY???

well, i did registered to it long time ago.

never seemed to find it user friendly when it comes to customising.

even WordPress. im a member.

and DiaryLand. hahaha!!

not to say that im loyal to Blogger, it does gets on my nerves at times.

but... it's USER-FRIENDLY!!

weeeeeeee!!

somebody smack me and tell me that im becoming a pig again.

lalala... *skips around*

there's no definite definition for LOVE.

bye!

2007-09-28T23:25:00.000+08:00

I LOVE YOU, YOU'RE PERFECT, NOW CHANGE

(superbly hilarious musical)

WHO'S AFRAID OF THE WORKING CLASS?

(captivatingly powerful)

2 plays in two consecutive days.

a great start for my exposure to theatre.

and a great inspiration for me as both are done by LaSalle students.

im so loving my life.

oh yes, i watched both plays alone.

nothing bad though.

its much more enjoying and less distracting actually.

next stop, OH, WHAT A LOVELY WAR!

i have yet to memorise my monologue and lyrics.

well, they're not even decided actually.

which is far worst.

and... the audition is tmr morning.

thank you very much.

i also want to go out with my friends ok.

bye!!!